A 13 stone Bullmastiff

MIA (Miami) was hot hot hot, looks the same as LAX doesn’t it? See why there is a high potential for confusion?

 I would have preferred the case transferred instead of picking it up and re checking it but I couldn’t because booking this leg on BA flying US keeps it out of the AA system altogether, (if you aren’t on FT, you will be saying “so what?” at this point)

  It is years since I flew US First,(PHL-PHX)  and if they hadn’t recently joined Oneworld then I would be kicking my heels at MIA for another 3 hours for the AA flight. Up to now the only useful connections out of PHL have been ORD and MIA on AA but PHL being a US hub opens up all sorts of possibilities with Max and Lisa both being near Philly it’s the airport I use the most anyway.

I saw this 747 in desperate need of a wash at MIA, at least no one has climbed up and written “clean me” in the grime.

3F isn’t a bad place to be , I was correct US seats still recline back into the person behind you

This is Lunch,

 don’t ask me what it is, I didn’t hear what she said, from the look on her face I could tell a response was required so I just said “the first one please” chicken, beans and rice is the result. I hope that US service standards come up to meet AA and not AA standards go down to meet US.

The offshore route from MIA-PHL so no photo opps out the window,

 at one point it did look like Georgia O’Keeffe’s clouds out there but this is the sight that greeted me at Philly.

46F are you kidding me? Not the climate for someone still dressed for Hawaii, I thought I would just pick up the hire car and sprint for Lisa’s house, set up the sat nav and set off. For some reason by the time you get into the hire car it is always dark, dark and rainy today, I don’t drive as well at night, never have, that combined with the spraying water on the freeway was a nightmare drive, the sat nav battery was low, the roads were busy and it suddenly felt like a very bad idea, especially when you are in the middle lane and would give anything to just get the heck out of there. Dunc always wanted to do the driving in the US, I sometimes managed to prise the cars off him but apart from the trip after xmas I haven’t done the airport to NJ regularly.

 Pulling off the interstate I found myself on roads with 45 and 35mph speed limits, good, you can go slower and feel happier, stop signs are useful too they give you time to compose yourself for the next turn

Stop signs are a complex procedure, the car has to bounce on the front suspension and the back suspension to prove you have stopped, we got stopped by the police in Arizona once for not bouncing the suspension enough at a stop sign. Another idiosyncrasy is that if you are at a junction and the traffic lights are red, you can still turn right if nothing is coming scary huh?

I am competent to drive in the US, its just 14 hours of flying, rain, dark, wrong side of the car and the road makes for a difficult drive, Lis wont drive to the airport in broad daylight so that tells me its not an easy route anyway.

Sierra seemed pleased to see me, Noah, the 13 stone Bullmastiff greeted me, he is the size of a small horse but nice with it, I am scared of dogs but I have known Noah since he was a puppy and he accepts me as one of the family, I am not sure where he thinks I go between visits but he doesn’t forget me.

As a family we have been to see Lis so many times, as well as on my own but for some reason I just keep expecting Dunc to come through the door onto the porch, its harder than I ever imagined, its like he is off somewhere with Jeff or something like the time the two of them spent an afternoon trying to sort out the brakes and lights on the truck, they are both quite similar temperament and Lis used to get Dunc and Jeff doing jobs outside that she couldn’t persuade Jeff to do on his own.

If the rain ever stops, I can get out and about in Lisa’s Garden.

The Japanese toilet

Where are we again?

 Oh yes Honolulu. In Honolulu the lounge for American airlines is shared with Japan airlines- well, it would be Japan is only a 6 hour flight away from here. In the JAL lounge there was a selection of nibbles, soup and noodles and  Purin Denisshu  プリンデニッシュ and Hawaiian coffee. The side of the lounge I was using was quiet but I heard merriment from the other part where the alcohol was !

Now Japan is famous for a few things, Cars, electronics, kimonos and Japanese Toilets, do we want to talk about toilets on this blog?... Yes I think it rates  a mention.

 The Japanese toilet is a beast to behold, large shield shaped object, the quirks continue when one lifts the lid and takes a seat upon the throne, the seat is warmed to the point of being almost hot, sitting on a warm toilet seat is about as pleasurable as borrowing wellingtons and putting them on while they are warm! . To the right is a control panel with a number of functions listed in Japanese. It could have improved my grasp of Japanese in leaps and bounds but I don’t think the functions it was describing would be suitable for polite conversation! I pressed the buttons in turn and the results were warm, wet and surprisingly high pressure, the last one was just warm and breezy. Ok those of a sensitive disposition will probably have had enough toilet talk.

 loooky a volcano

Time zones are defeating me now as the hour gets later and later with each flight East.

Plenty of sparkling wine on the flight to LAX but its not the same as champagne and not as cold as BA serve it .

   Anything describing itself as steak on a flights is bound to be a disappointment so I opted for the Lasagna, note here its not Lasagne, In the US they make their Lasagna with ricotta instead of the roux sauce, we are used to, its nice if you accept that its not Lasagne and bears only a passing resemblance to the former.

I managed quite a lot of sleep, the trick here is to sit in a bulkhead row and use your carry on case as a foot rest, pivoting seats help, ugh I have just remembered that US have reclining seats so people lean back into you , forgotten all about that little gem until now.

  The flight landed into LAX at 11.30 and I overheard a gate agent telling someone else that the TSA point was closed until 4am so you could go out but not get back in – is it worth the hassle just to smoke- frankly NO so I selected a spot on the carpet behind the gate for the LAX-MIA flight, blew up my mattress and settled down. I had intended to ditch the blow up mattress at LAX but it was really comfortable so I decided it was worth lugging it home since it packs up so small. I woke up once, cold and once, because a plane landed beside me (on the runway next to the window really) apart from that I slept through until 5.25 am for a 5.55 am flight.

 So some of you are asking why? Why am I crossing the country in first class and sleeping on an airport floor? Well, its down to www.sleepinginairports.com yes, a real website, by the time I had caught a shuttle and paid for the hotel, got 3 hours sleep, shuttle back security checkpoint, wait in line, not worth it. I am going to write my report for their website when I get back and join yet another community of crazies.

 (sleeping airside is perfectly safe, the TSA have protected air travellers against Toothpaste, Shampoo and Aftershave airside since 2002.)

Now I can understand how flights, cities and timezones all blend into one for those who have to fly for business, luckily my phone refuses to accept it is not in the UK and I have the time at home displayed which gives me some idea of what dimension I am in .

LAX-MIA I was sat in the main rows not the bulkhead, a new experience, the legroom isn’t bad but you do feel bad for having to disturb the person next to you to get up so I waited to use the facilities until he got up, a sort of bladder capacity top trumps. Just as I was about to concede defeat in the contest, the seatbelt light came on and the captain announced “flight attendants take your seats” and the rollercoaster ride began. The last couple of days the weather channel has been non stop live coverage of the tornadoes and monster storms in the middle of the country so we must have been in an area where there was still some disturbance. The Americans are reall pussys about turbulence and it wasn’t much of a ride, that said, it could have been, so being strapped in was the best thing, rather wait half an hour for the loo that break a leg in turbulence……..rather wait half an hour if you weren’t trying to give the nice bloke in the aisle seat a flight free of interruptions.

American weather forecasting is miles ahead of ours in the UK, we know roughly if it could rain or if it could be sunny but they have up to the minute highly accurate radar tracking second to none, once in Mt Laurel the TV beeped and a message saying there would be a heavy storm along in 10 mins came up, sure enough 10 mins later the heavens opened and the atmosphere crackled with electricity. The bloke on the weather channel could actually tell if there was debris being thrown up in a given area from the radar returns, so if the captain wants you to buckle up, you buckle up.

Look at this for a breakfast, wow,

 nice guy next to me had oatmeal (porridge) so I was particularly pleased to have ordered this last week, even if I long since lost track of what I had ordered, so much salmon and cream cheese I actually had to leave some (sorry Alistair I really did leave smoked salmon)

  My phone volume control broke completely, there I was watching the second episode of Amish Mafia and the volume just went. Then I realised we were descending, held my nose and blew, my ears clicked and the volume on my phone magically worked again, my ears have been a bit odd due to all the flying!

Remember the quilt I am going to make of sights from 37,000 feet well, here are a few more ideas I got.

E ho omau ka holomoana

After a downpour last night of seemingly biblical proportions, it is bright and sunny today, very little wind and it feels very humid out there. It must be better some of the year, Beth from Dog the bounty hunter is a big woman and you don’t see her eyeliner running and her face red from the heat.   For an island only 30 by 60 miles there is a surprising number of tours you can take and this was another nature tour with a hike to a waterfall thrown in .Oh and something very dear to my heart…. Chocolate

 Chocolate grows on trees , 

   when the pods are yellow and ripe, the fruit inside is taken out, the fruit itself is delicious, sharp and tangy and mmmm 

 The pips are dried in the air and fermented with leaves on top, then roasted 

  Then the Hawaiians send it to the US for processing, whats going on there, if you had the climate to grown your own chocolate, wouldn’t you keep the produce to yourself??

 Whats this one?

Canon ball tree 

This?

Black pepper, tasting the buds they were spicy and well, peppery 

The hike through the rainforest was like a visit to Jurassic park , actually we drove past the valley the dinosaurs run through near the start of the film.
 Only 3 mosquito bites to report 

 At one of the beach stops I met a chicken , yes I know its Hawaii and I am talking to chickens but what did you expect. 

 A few final shots from the rest of the tour to complete the trip  All in all, it has been an interesting few days, I am glad I chose a nature tours company as the other tour was a bit too commercial and I learned and saw much more than I thought I would.

 Photo of Waikiki beach  

only kidding I didn’t go there, sometimes the peace and beauty is best not spoiled by visiting the tourist hotspots.Speaking of peace, Last night there was a party of men up the street chanting Toga Toga Toga and in the wee small hours I actually heard someone call oggi oggi oggi. The music from a club continued on for hours with the same bass beat, in my younger days I would have found it more hypnotic I dare say.

Sitting on the balcony reminds me of holidays in days gone by when the two of us would sit out, perhaps tingling a bit from too much sun or too much alcohol, feeling sunny and happy and relaxed, I do feel relaxed but the reminder of past holidays is almost painful.

Off to the airport at midday  for the flight back to Los Angeles and more airline hospitality.

Jurassic park

After a mixed up night of sleeping and waking I went on a nature tour I had booked, much better than the day before which was with a different company, the guide was knowledgeable and the slant was definitely more my sort of thing, the animals and birds, the history of the places on the tour. The van was much more comfortable, my fellow tourists have been great both days and I have no problem about being on my own .

  What did make me slightly more nervous was the walk to the Hard Rock cafe along several streets I didnt know and masses of people, it was like Oxford st just before Christmas yet this was 7.15 in the evening. I dont navigate towns all that well so I wrote the instructions out before I left "walk 1 block turn left" then "walk 4 blocks, turn right" and clung to the piece of paper. Its the sort of thing I have always relied on Dunc for, I just dont take in that much detail about routes. 

      Meeting Bugalugs was great, good to catch up with a fellow FTer, we all seem to do the trips in isolation and end up catching each other at random places and airports. Bugalugs was in considerably better shape than me, he didn’t look like someone doing the double circuit, unfortunately I had to go after one drink as I couldn’t stay awake much longer but cheers, thanks for the chat.

(in case you are one of my friends or relatives reading this, meeting random strangers I have only talked to on the internet isn’t as dodgy as it sounds. No one doing the double circuit would have the energy to turn into an axe murderer)

Right then, todays tour

Japanese Budhist temple, complete with the big bell that you rang to remove all your earthy temptations, I had a think, some of my temptations, chocolate, champagne, I would quite like to keep so I watched others ring it instead!

I did light some incense, what it was I wished for......you will have to ask me when I get home

On through rainforest, mountains, beaches, every time we stepped out of the minibus it started to rain, warm rain but still not worth getting the camera wet for.

         They make a lot of films here apparently, even Jurassic Park was filmed here, they are busy filming another one here but no chance of seeing Jeff Goldblum. If the motion picture industry is as accurate as it is when filming aeroplane movies, then he probably goes into the jungle here and emerges in a clearing in Canada or something, I have seen planes take off as a 4 engine plane and land as a 2 engine plane so their attention to detail can be flaky!

        This poor turtle was trying to get some sleep on the beach, only to be surrounded by minibus loads of tourists, it isn’t dead, just very tired, it woke up to yawn a few times, according to the guide it was about 150 years old, 

Come to think of it,it does look like Jurassic park 

The soil is red because of the high iron content, its actually gone rusty, everything is covered with a fine layer of rust brown powder, it stains so I stayed well clear.

Back at the hotel tonight its impossibly humid, anywhere else and we would be expecting thunder and lightning but apparently they dont get thunder and lightning here........who knew  haha

The bed is a mess again why dont the North Americans understand duvets, sheets and blankets is sooo last century